I can not honestly say that I don't care what you think. I care very deeply. I care for the deepest part of your soul. The inner thoughts, desires, and even fears. I do not however care what your opinion of me is, save for the fact that if you think less of me you may not listen to my words or counsel. I care for you to be loved, and to know the only love that will never fail you in this life or the next. I care for you to know the love of Jesus.
I have no desire to make you look a certain way, to dress or act in a certain manner. I do not have any strong attachment to a way of acting that I feel is more upright or proper than another. I don't desire for you to be rich, educated, and successful. I do desire for you to be fulfilled with life that brings joy. Life that brings you a feeling that scoffs at happiness for its brevity.
I am not foolish enough to think that a list of behaviors of things you either do or abstain from doing will grant you a life that is full. Only God and a relationship with God alone can grant you that fullness. I also, however, have no doubt that things that you choose to do can lead you in a direction away from that relationship. If you feel a void in your heart where you know or wish a relationship with God would be there is a reason for that void. It is not because God has taken the day off, is testing you, or isn't real. It is because you have separated yourself from Him.
God sees into the future. He knows what things you do that will bring you harm, and what things you do that will bring you life. God like any truly loving person cares enough for you He will not stand holding hands with you along your path to destruction. Sin separates. So although I personally care very little of behaviors or deeds, I do not deny that certain deeds will lead you to a place where you yourself have made God inaccessible.
I can not help you. I wish that I could. I wish that I, Richard Demsick could help. I wish that my relationship with you mattered. I wish that even without God psychology, self help, counseling, healthy living, or my relationship with you would make the difference in the end. I know, however that when the rubber meets the road, when the night gets dark, and the day is done, how well you know me, is not going to matter. It isn't going to make the difference how your journey ends how many counseling sessions you have gone to, or how many friends you have. All that is going to truly matter is how close you are with Jesus.
I am a shadow in dim light. A poor excuse for a reflection of something that does matter. When you hear my words, and see my actions of love, they do not come from me but from God. Without God I would not know how to love, nor be capable of loving you to the depth that I do. I would not feel in the depth of my heart a willingness to die daily for you. When you receive my love, you are receiving a taste of God's. But my love will not get you there. My love will not give you life. My love will fail you. If there was anything I could do to make my love enough for you, I would have already done it. You need the love of God.
God understands and He forgives. It's not too late, it is never to late to open up your heart to Him. You can tell Him you are sorry for the things you have done that have lead you away from Him, and turn from them. You can ask for Him to enter your heart and for you to experience the true love that makes all the difference. There is no where else to go for true life, and true peace. Don't waste your life looking for answers where there is none. God alone saves. If you turn to Him and don't look back it will change your life in a way that is beyond anything you have experienced, because He will constantly bring you into a new place. It won't always be easy, but God doesn't give you a limited amount of continues. Start afresh, start anew, but above all start with Him.
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